Everyone ready to patrol?

Mike: No.

Peter: Why not? It's really pretty here.

Micky: *sighs* Not really.

Davy: I am.

(We open in the woods. Peter and Davy follow the Lieutenant. Peter's arrow and Crossbow is at the ready. Davy has a knife.)

Lieutenant: (Nods at Peter) Good thing you brought that with you, Private. It's a fine piece of machienery. It'll come in really handy in these woods. You never know what kind of scum-suckers you're going to meet out here.

Peter: Um, right. (Leans over to Davy and whispers) How do we explain to this guy that we're nowhere near Vietnam?

Davy: *whispers* Let’s not and say we did.

Lieutenant: (Points to his right) You boys patrol Sector 049. I'll cover the waterfront. We'll meet back at 0500 hours.

Peter: Five hundred hours? We're going to be doing this for a while. (Grins)

Davy: Yes...yes, we will.

Lieutenant: Funny, Private. Just go.

Davy: I liked it, Peter.

Peter: (Rolls his eyes as the Lieutenant goes to the left) He doesn't have much of a sense of humor, does he?

Davy: Apparently not, which makes it amazing that he likes Micky.

Peter: He likes Micky because he thinks he's an authority figure.

Davy: Then the Lieutenant definitely has a screw loose.

Peter: I think that one's easy to figure out. (Sighs) You know, he never really told us what we were looking for or why we're guarding this island at all.

Davy: Imaginary attackers?

Peter: I guess so. Maybe he just wants to defend against some of the animals in these woods.

Davy: Or he doesn't know what else to do.

Peter: In a way, I can understand his paranoia. I feel like we're being watched myself.

Davy: It is a big open area with lots of places to hide.

Peter: Yeah... (Hears a squawk) What was that? :o

Peter: Davy, did you hear something?

Davy: It was...a squawk...

Peter: (Hears something swish through the trees) Davy, did you hear that swishing sound?

Davy: Yes, there's something up in the trees.

Peter: (A little crudely animated hand drops down and plays with his blond hair) Dave, did you touch my hair? (Tries to smooth it out again)

Davy: No, I didn't.

(Another little hand drops down and tugs at Davy's shirt.)

Davy: Hey, did you pull on my shirt, Peter?

Peter: No, I didn't. Davy, this is getting really weird. (Feels something grab at his arrows) Hey! (He turns around just in time to see a little brown monkey with a tuft of white fur on his head grab one of his arrows and shake it at him) Give that back!

Davy: *Grins* Hey, one of Mick's relatives!

Peter: (Laughs as the monkey jumps on Davy's shoulder) He likes you!

Davy: Uhhh...

(The monkey waves the arrow around, finally picking his teeth with it. Two more monkeys drop onto the closest branch to Peter, trying to inspect his crossbow.)

Peter: Hey! That's not a toy! (He jumps away. The monkeys chatter noisily at him.)("I Go Ape" begins as Peter tries to shake the monkeys off of him.)

(Another monkey drops onto Davy...a female one with large hearts in her eyes!)

(Peter lures his monkeys away with a handful of berries.)

*The female tries attempts to kiss Davy, who pushes her away.*

(Two monkeys swing over Peter's head and try to grab more arrows, but Peter's able to duck away from them. He sees another female monkey eyeing HIM, but he barks at her and scares her off.)

(The female monkey on Davy nuzzles him, ignoring the annoyance of the male monkey on Davy's other shoulder.)

(Peter runs past Davy, being chased by a whole group of monkeys after his arrows and his berries! He finally ducks behind a tree, letting the monkeys swing above and around him.)

(Peter finally climbs into the tree, hoping to avoid the monkeys. He makes his way onto a branch...and finds himself eye-to-eye with a larger monkey who doesn't look happy!)

*Davy finally gets away from the monkey couple that were hanging from his shoulders and runs toward the tree that Peter climbed into.*

Peter: (As the song ends) Um, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to frighten your friends! I just...whoa! (The branch under Peter starts to crack! Peter scrambles for the tree. The big monkey grabs the branch above it and swings away, chattering loudly and angrily at Peter. Peter does the same, hanging onto the branch for dear life) Oh man. Davy!

Davy: Peter! *Moves below where he hangs* I'm here!

Peter: (Yelps; the branch he's hanging onto is breaking) Oh shoot...Davy, could you catch me?

Davy: Yeah, Peter! I can catch you! I'm right here!

Peter: Great...yikes! (The branch breaks. Peter goes tumbling to the ground...landing smack on Davy, crossbow and all.)

Peter: (Groans) Ow. Davy, are you ok? I didn't flatten you, did I?

Davy: *Waves a hand from under Peter* Fine...just fine.

Peter: Oh dear. (He gets up and helps Davy to his feet)

Davy: *Brushes himself off* It's okay, Peter. Are you okay?

Peter: Yeah. Just a bit shaken, that's all. (Looks around) Let's forget patrolling anything. We're not in the military. We need to get that radio working pronto.

Davy: Agreed, before Mick and Mike do major damage to each other.

Peter: If they can do any damage to each other. Neither of them are really up to physical abuse.

Davy: No, but their mouths are still in working order.

Peter: (As he slings the crossbow over his shoulder) Remember, the girls are there. They'll keep Mike and Micky from saying anything they'll regret when we get back to California.

Davy: Are you positive about that, Peter? We both know how they seem to actually enjoy butting heads.

Peter: Yes, but Emma and Lauren don't enjoy listening to them...and they both DO listen to their wives. Most of the time, anyway.

Davy: MOST of the time. *Puts an arm around Peter's shoulders* Come on, mate. Let’s find out how badly they've annoyed each other by now.

Peter: Right. (Puts an arm around Davy's shoulders. They both head for the camp)

(Cut back to the camp. Emma, Lauren, and Daphne shell nuts around the fire. The camera moves past them, taking in a brief glimpse of Valerie napping in the main hut, before moving to Mike and Micky in the radio room again.)

*Micky works diligently on the radio again, except now he works silently, his tongue sticking out to one side in concentration, though his eyes hold a slight pain to them.*

Mike: Mick, do you want some aspirin? I found some in the first aid box.

Micky: *sighs* Yeah.

(Mike leaves the hut and returns with the aspirin and a glass of water.)

Mike: Here you go, Mick.

Micky: *Takes the items* Thanks.

Mike: (As Micky swallows) Have you been able to contact anyone yet?

Micky: *Sighs* I can't find the right frequency.

Mike: (Rubs at his own head) Anything I can help with?

Micky: Yes. *Sits back, rubbing at the bridge of his nose* I can't... *Louder* It doesn't work!

Mike: It'll work, Mick! We'll get it to work! You can make anythin' work! I've seen you!

Micky: I'm in pain, despite all the aspirin I’ve had. I can't think straight. It's...too difficult right now...

Mike: Micky, I ain't feelin' that much better.

Micky: *Glares* I could've already had this fixed. Now, I can't concentrate. It's just all mush.

Mike: Maybe you ought to join Val and take a nap, then.

Micky: I'll wake up in the same amount of pain and confusion I'm feeling right now. What's the point?

Mike: Want me to take over workin' on the radio and you to go shell nuts with the girls, then?

Micky: *Shakes his head* I don't know what I want, Mike. I wanna go home. I wanna go to the hospital, so I can forget this whole ordeal and feel safe and comfortable again!

Mike: Well, how do you assume we go home? Maybe we should see if the Lieutenant has some flares.

Micky: Do what you want, Mike. I've had enough.

Mike: You're gonna give up?

Micky: *Twitches slightly* If that's what you wanna call it.

Mike: Micky, you never give up. On anythin'.

Micky: There's a first time for everything, Mike.

Mike: Micky... (He puts his head in his hands) We have to find a way out of here. Did you see any flares in the Lieutenant's arsenal?

Micky: I KNOW that! And no, I didn’t notice any flares, but I really haven't been looking for any, either.

Mike: Maybe we could try smoke signals...

Micky: Dammit, Mike, you're giving me a worse headache than I already have! *Pounds his fist on what he thought was the table, but ends up hitting the radio. It crackles to life. They can hear low voices*

Mike: (Eyes widen) Damn, it's working! Man, our heads must really be toast. Why didn't we think of the Fonzie thing before?

Micky: *Rubs the bridge of his nose again, this time almost chuckling* Oh man...

Mike: Do you think we could get a hold of someone?

Micky: I hear voices over it...

Mike: Are you up to tryin' for the Coast Guard, or do you want me to do it?

Micky: How about both of us?

Mike: All right. (He takes the walkie-talkie and speaks into it) Hello? Coast Guard? Hello, this is Michael Nesmith of the SS. Falcon.

Coast Guard Captain: (It crackles and is a little faint, but audible) Hello, Mr. Nesmith, this is Captain Fordham of the USS Sting Ray.

Mike: We were wrecked in a storm two days ago.

Captain Fordham: Yes, we know. We need to know your exact location, so we can pick up all of you and Mr. and Mrs. Thorkleson, if they're with you.

Mike: Yeah, they're with us. (Turns to Micky and whispers) Wanna give them the location, buddy?

Micky: Uhh...hi, Captain. I'm Micky Dolenz and, uhh, we're not really sure of the name of the island, but it is full of greenery, has rocks in front of the beach, and a Vietnam Vet guarding it.

Captain Fordham: (One can almost hear him roll his eyes) Oh, him. Lieutenant Jim Armstrong. Yes, we're familiar with him. He's called us to get people off "his" island before. Frankly, it's not his island. You're on government property. This island is part of a national park and wild animal preserve.

Mike: (Sighs) Somehow Captain, that don't surprise me.

Micky: That explains a lot.

Captain Fordham: Has he given you any trouble? We've wanted a reason to arrest that nutcase for years.

Micky: No, he's actually been pretty hospitable to us.

Captain Fordham: How did you do it? He chases off fishermen, tourists, and bird watchers.

Micky: I kinda told him I was a Captain, and he believed me.

Captain Fordham: Well, if it kept you from being killed, it can't hurt. As long as he doesn't find out the truth. Those guns of his aren't just for show. We've had to treat people who came back from that island with bullet wounds, though as far as we know, he's never killed humans.

Micky: *Nervous chuckle* Well, that's good to know.

Captain Fordham: We're not that far from the island. We could probably pick you up at the northern end of coastline. We'll send smaller rescue boats out for you. There's no docks at that island, and our boat won't be able to get close enough without running aground. Is everyone all right? Any broken bones or illnesses?

Micky: Well...

Mike: I got a pretty nasty concussion and am still feeling woozy. One of us has badly bruised ribs that had to be taped. One of the women has an ankle that may have been at least strained. The other three and the Thorkelsons are fine, other than bruises and cuts.

Micky: I'm the one with the bruised ribs.

Captain Fordham: We have medical supplies here and will call for the paramedics when we get all of you on the main ship.

Mike: (Sighs) We're going to have to call for the hospital when we get in, Captain. I don't like it, but we all need to be checked out.

Captain Fordham: You survived a shipwreck. I wouldn't suggest going anywhere else until you were checked out.

Mike: What should we do in the meantime, Captain?

Captain Fordham: Round up your group and anything you'll need to leave the island. If you can get away from Lieutenant Armstrong without fuss, fine. If not, tell him we're willing to take him back to California as well. He needs mental care and to be checked on himself.

Micky: Sounds like a plan, Captain.

Captain Fordham: We'll see you then. Please, be careful with Lieutenant Armstrong. He can be dangerous. And don't move your injuries any more than you have to.

Mike: We'll be fine, Captain. Thanks. (He finally signs off) Sounds like we'd better tell the others we're goin' home, Mick.

Micky: *Grins* Finally! *Jumps up and abruptly hugs Mike, then cringes* Okay, more than one reason why I shouldn't have just done that...

Mike: That's ok, Mick. You weren't thinkin'.

Micky: Uh, yeah.

Mike: (Nods at the fire pit) Let's go tell the others. Davy, Pete, and the Lieutenant should be back by now. Pete's gonna have to wake up Valerie.

Micky: Gladly!

Mike: (Indeed, Peter and Davy now sit with the four women, all eating roasted nuts - the Lieutenant cleans one of his guns) Ok everyone, we just got the radio workin' and got a hold of the Coast Guard. We're headin' home in about an hour.

Emma: Oh Baby, that's wonderful! (She gives Mike a big hug)

Peter: Great! Good work, guys!

Valerie: I can't wait to go home.

Lauren: Thank goodness!

Lieutenant: Nice job, Captain.

Micky: I had a lot of help. *Half grin in Mike's direction*

Emma: (Gives Mike a little kiss) Good work, Baby.

Mike: (Blushes a little) Thanks, darlin'.

Peter: Well then, let's head for the shore and see if we can flag down the Coast Guard. (Turns to the Lieutenant) What about you, sir?

Lieutenant: (Shakes his head) Sorry Private, but my mission is here. (He turns to Micky) You're a hell of a Captain, kid. You folks go and recover so you can give the Vietcong hell.

Micky: *smirks, nodding* Thanks, Lieutenant. We will.

Mike: Ok, let's go. Lauren, you help Mick. Davy, help Daphne and her foot.

Peter: (Gently takes Valerie's arm) And I'll help you.

Valerie: Peter I'm... (She sighs and shakes her head) Ok.

Emma: (Takes Mike's arm) And I'll help YOU.

Lauren: *Wraps an arm around Micky's waist* We're ready. *Micky grins*

Mike: (A little dazed) Um, yeah...

*Davy and Daphne wrap their arms around each other.*

Emma: Ok, let's go everyone! (The group stumbles off into the woods as best they can, making their way to the shore. The camera focuses on the Lieutenant)

Lieutenant: (Nods) They're a good crew. Nice teamwork. Vietcong won't last two months with that crowd around. Lousy runners, but they know how to work together. (Jumps up, gun at the ready, the moment he hears a sound) Who's there? (Shoots the gun. We hear a scream off-camera. The camera pulls back to reveal that he's shot another camera and to see it's operator fall back out of camera range, clutching his arm and screaming.)

Lieutenant: (Frowns) Sorry about that, sir. (We fade out as the Lieutenant makes his way into the woods, the cartoon monkeys who attacked Davy and Peter earlier looking on)